being in a relentless pursuit of grace
by zelle nelson and maureen mccarthy

“Grace–is necessary in any union…”
Rebecca Robison. “Through Beauty” Parabola Vol 27; p. 44; Fall 2002

I’m happy. The presidential election was full of negative campaigning. I’m happy. There was little talk of substance and plenty of rhetoric during the debates. I’m happy. The election was rigged. I’m happy. George Bush stole the election. I’m happy.

I’m happy. The presidential election bolstered democracy. I’m happy. People were passionately talking about the candidates. I’m happy. Voter turnout was the best in decades. I’m happy. George Bush won. I’m happy.
I’m happy because all these perspectives are valid and true to someone, somewhere. I’m happy because I honor each one.
I’m happy because I did not get caught up in what was bad or good about this election, the candidates, or the outcome. I’m happy because I stayed centered on who I am and what is important to me. I’m happy because I was an informed voter, not an angry one. I’m happy because I loved all those I interacted with during this election, those with the W bumper sticker, those who wanted to “Trim the Bushes”, George Bush and his Handlers, John Kerry and his Handlers, the media, the election machines, everyone—at least most of the time.

The times when I felt angry, annoyed, betrayed, contradicted, bombarded, manipulated, lied to, oppressed, trapped without a choice—I simply stopped. I questioned whether I wanted to be involved in this whole damn election process anyway. I wondered if the negative energy I was feeling was worth it even when I knew inside that this election was important. Somehow it would make a difference. What I didn’t know was how this election would make a difference to who I am and how I go forth into the world. At these times of separation I went inside to find love again, to better see in myself what I was seeing all around me, to find Union with others and myself, to find a State of Grace.

The deepest part of me is always striving to be in a State of Grace with every person and everything that exists, even the evilest demons and the damned. My desire to be in a State of Grace drives my passion, it sustains my life. Being in a State of Grace, to me, means being in a place of deep serenity and boundless euphoria. I experienced the 2004 election process in this place of grace and throughout the election process I deepened the place of grace inside myself.

I began the odyssey of the 2004 election, some 24 months ago with no intention or interest in allowing the election madness to seep into my life. Yes, horror of horrors, I even considered the option of not voting because I didn’t quite know how to feel truly informed. Most of what passes for information, consideration and debate in this most recent democratic experiment was fraught with doomsayers and fearful attacks from both sides resulting in outright war, one side against the other. I wasn’t being educated by what I was reading and hearing, I was being bullied.

As the months wore on, I continued to be indifferent to the chatter and clamor, and I tried to avoid anything to do with this process full of venom, hate, and expectation. But my consciousness could not drown out the inner knowing that this one was important, not only to myself as a citizen, but that in the process I would gain a better understanding of my authentic path through life.

My most difficult choice was not who to vote for, but whether the election process was something I wished to be a part of at all. I searched for balanced information and made an effort to hear both sides, even the messages I felt were “wrong or dangerous.” That helped me to begin loving the madness of the election process. That madness and negativity are reality at this moment in history, and I’m most in a State of Grace when I’m a lover of what is, when I don’t fight with reality. I pulled back to see that I wasn’t graceful when I negatively judged the negative people. I was judging the judgers for being so judgmental.

That realization helped me to look inside and see that the only way for me to experience a peaceful election process was for me to begin inside myself. Rather than “Think Globally, Act Locally,” I saw that “Think Globally, Act Internally” was really my path to grace.

As I participated in the 2004 election process my highest goal was to stay in a State of Grace with each candidate and with those who had anything to say about who should be elected to lead our country. I found that holding my authentic place in the election process was not easy, but it was an opportunity to broaden my circle of grace.
What is a State of Grace and how do you get there?

When you say that someone dances gracefully, what comes to mind? Beauty, elegance, poise, charm? A fluidity that makes it appear effortless? Generally we are in awe of grace in any form because it’s an ultimate desire and yet difficult to attain. If only every relationship and encounter with another could call up the words beauty, fluidity and effortlessness. When someone handles a difficult situation with grace, we see him or her hold others with the greatest amount of loving care. They show humanity, gratitude, respect and fair-mindedness; recognizing others views and seeing the true magnificence in someone even as that person is acting out of fear.

There is a Buddhist greeting known as Namaste. It means:

I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides.
I honor the place in you of love, of light, of truth, of peace.
I honor the place in you where,
If you are in that place in you,
And I am in that place in me,
There is only one of us.

The concept of Namaste is to me the place from which grace stems. If we can see that perfect place of love and light and truth in others, we will allow room for them to do things we find difficult or hurtful and we will continue to embrace them with love and peace.

My lover, my partner, my best friend, my love, Maureen McCarthy and I created something called the State of Grace Document. It is a process and a way of being in relationship that deepens our connection to one another as it increases the degree of intimacy we experience with ourselves, with those closest to us, and the entire world around us.
The State of Grace Document concept is being used in both business and personal venues. It is a 2-4 page, personal and explicit document designed and created in unison by those in the relationship — at the beginning of the relationship, while things are still going smoothly.

State of Grace Documents take into consideration each individual involved in the relationship, their personal preferences, their expectations as well as the nature of the relationship. When we agree to trust one another at the start, learn up front what does and doesn’t work for one another, create an atmosphere that allows for vulnerability, and pay attention to signs along the way we tend to avoid difficulties and shorten transition periods. State of Grace Documents can be created between colleagues, friends, employee and manager, partners, husband and wife, landlord and tenant, client and supplier, or any other relationship situation that exists – even that of voter and candidate, citizen and democracy.

The State of Grace Document is currently being used all over the globe. When Maureen spoke at an International Peace Conference in St. Petersburg, Russia the concept easily crossed all cultural and language boundaries among the 57 countries represented. People are writing us from all over the world to learn more and tell us that it’s an idea whose time has come.

The State of Grace Document has an agreed upon premise that we ultimately want to be at peace within ourselves and with the other person, even as we address areas that aren’t so pretty to look at. It creates a solid foundation at the beginning of a relationship that then sustains us through the middle and into the transition phases with grace and dignity. When the relationship’s strongest thread is one of dignity, whenever we’re out of a state of grace with each other, in our minds or in our actions, we have the opportunity to move toward relationship as opposed to away from one another. It truly changes the destiny of the relationship.

I don’t intend to create false hopes that life will be perfect if you use the State of Grace Document concept. In fact, I can guarantee it won’t. Life is full of contrast, change is painful, and it’s never easy to say something you don’t think will land well. Your first State of Grace Document may not work exactly as you thought, but I guarantee, if you keep creating and massaging them, the notion of living your life in a graceful manner will materialize. Strenuous times will not disappear, but they will be easier to maneuver and won’t haunt you in relationships to come. Personally, I’ve found living life in a state of grace has become my ultimate goal. It’s about living with my heart and head in alignment both internally and externally. I give far more to the world and experience the world in a far more exciting and positive, yet serene manner.

The idea of The State of Grace Document is not a quick fix for what’s currently broken. Typically our society doesn’t fully support the notion that we can negotiate tough times with a greater degree of grace. Most people unconsciously believe divorce will be antagonistic, having a client fire us is pure anguish, losing our job is a sign of failure and elections can only be brutal and belligerent. Because of this, we create self-fulfilling prophecies. Until given an alternative, when we’ve been told it’s going to hurt, and we’ve believed it; we have thus created it.

When we don’t seem to have any clue about the “right” answer – or at times when we are so certain of having THE answer, we lose sight of everything else around us. And ultimately in these times we lose sight of ourselves.
For me, the election process was about discerning my own choice from a place of peace, taking action where I was called to, and loving each player and outcome from beginning to end. I have found a place inside of me where I don’t need to fight for the answer. In relinquishing the need for an answer, for me, the answer springs up from deep inside to enfold me. I am not only wrapped in a state of bliss, I am tickled to be alive, to be connected, to be one.
We have the opportunity to seek Union, within ourselves and amongst those closest to us, but also with those of differing political views within our country, and in the world. I invite you to explore the idea of a State of Grace and to begin building graceful foundations in your life.

Today, I am happy.
My soul is like a ruby
And I threw it in the earth
But now my hands are bleeding
From scrabbling in the dirt
And I look up to the heavens
And a light is on my face
I never, never, never
Thought I’d find a state of grace

Mick Jagger – “Joy”

To find out how to create your own or to download a sample State of Grace Document go to stateofgracedocument.com.

Zelle Nelson owns a company, Engaging the Soul at Work, with his partner Maureen McCarthy. They work with individuals and organizations around the world helping them create workplaces that sustain their souls.
[ zelle@stateofgracedocument.com]