the rise of the metrosexual male
by sandi tomlin-sutker

Ok. You’re in Earth Fare. You turn a corner and there stands a pretty good looking young man…high-cut t-shirt—low-cut jeans...whoa, really low cut! Just like all the young women are wearing. He’s pushing a cart with a young child, clearly his own, so you make the assumption that he is NOT gay. Well, according to the newest fashionista terminology, he is a metrosexual.

Say what!? you say! Two weeks ago, I didn’t know what that term meant either. One Saturday morning, listening to NPR, the sports commentator did a piece about British soccer star David Beckham. You know, the namesake of the indie film Bend it Like Beckham that recently played at Asheville's Fine Arts Theatre. Apparently, Beckham is a very happily married family man—two kids with wife (the former “Posh Spice”)…but he also has been seen wearing a sarong with his fingernails painted …hardly the typical attire of the Blokie Bloke (in the Brits’ vernacular). My mind did a double take on the word and I went right online to Google it.

I’d never heard of it, but the term metrosexual was coined way back in 1994 by British journalist Mark Simpson. He referred in an article to the “mirror men”: narcissistic, young urban men, avowedly heterosexual, more concerned about their hair and clothes than anything or anyone else. But other definitions I saw tended more toward men who were in touch with their feminine side and not afraid to express it. These men have their hair done in a salon, not a barbershop. They get manicures, pedicures, facials, and shop for the best fitting jeans, even if they are women’s labels.

Now, there have been lots of trends and changes throughout history in what is considered acceptable behavior, style and clothing (for men and women) by Western culture. I began to wonder if this was simply one more of those transient changes, largely affecting the wealthy with leisure and the security of class privilege, or were we possibly witnessing a paradigm shift of a more permanent and pervasive nature? [When I see it in Madison County, I’ll know…]

I’ll tell you what I’ve found and let you be the judge.

First, what is driving this change? According to those who watch fashion trends, it’s women! “As the presence of women has increased in men’s social and working lives…men have changed the way they act. The success of the push [for equal rights] has fundamentally altered the way men and women interact within the workplace. Appearance and grooming are important.” Well, yes, but when hasn’t it been so for executive men? And why does good grooming translate into emulating female styles in clothing?

Tom Purcell of mensnewsdaily.com has a bit more scathing analysis: “once the door was open, the marketers, those parasites, drove a Mack truck through it. They applied the same techniques on men that had always been successful with women. They beat us down and made us feel fat, ugly and unwanted so that we’d buy…the many useless products they advertise, to make ourselves feel better.

" Whereas men used to talk about sports or transmission maintenance, now they argue over botox and liposuction. [T]elevision depicts men as wimps and goofs…women are routinely depicted as being strong, decisive and athletic.” Hold on! I don’t watch TV so I don’t know if this is true; if so, it’s a bit of role reversal from the sorts of shows I grew up with. Is the pendulum simply swinging a bit wildly on its way to some moment of equilibrium? Or is his response spurred by fear at the loss of a certain male status and the comfort of a secure role and identity publicly expressed through rigid styles in clothing and behavior?

An Internet study done by Euro RSCG Worldwide, a communications group in New York, may cast some more light on this touchy subject. They wanted to know, basically, how men are feeling these days. The Future of Men: USA “reflects the evolution of men’s behaviors and roles during the last 50 years.” Marian Salzman, head of the random study that asked questions of 510 men and 548 women, began to wonder: “why do men somehow feel they are being marginalized and misunderstood by sitcoms and by pop culture? [Because] advertising right now treats men like buffoons, it doesn’t treat them like caring, sensitive co-parents and partners.”

An entire generation of men and women has grown up with the changes in gender roles resulting from the Women’s Liberation movement. The RSCG study (which has been lightly criticized as skewed by a younger, more educated, unmarried participant) showed that 66% of the male respondents wanted to see “an end to earning disparities” between men and women doing the same job. Linda Waite, of the Sloan Center on Parents, Children and Work, believes roles have shifted “because men have taken on more responsibility for things that used to be a woman’s responsibility…but even more because women have taken on more of the responsibilities and privileges that men traditionally have had.”

If men and women are, in fact, getting to be more and more alike (or especially if men are becoming more like women) not everyone agrees that it’s a good thing. Warren Farrell, author of Why Men Are The Way They Are, argues that, “throughout history, the only societies who have been successful are the ones that have convinced males to sacrifice themselves when called upon to do so—to be heroes, like the fireman who is willing to give up his life.” The recent experience of women in combat positions, as firefighters, and in other heroic roles, coupled with the declining perception that women must be the primary nurturers of infants and children should put that fear to rest. If the society must ask sacrifice and heroism of its citizens, why not ask it of any who are capable? If raising children is vital to the health of a society, why not define that task as also heroic, and ask it of any who are capable?

I may not want to see men become mindless consumers of products they hope will enhance their sex appeal, self image or well-being; but then, I don’t want to see women making those choices either. My hope is that these changes in attitude are taking place on the deeper levels of our individual and collective psyches.

I saw a bumper sticker yesterday at the Asheville Mall: Real Men Wear Skirts. It’s not a complete statement, but I like it for the Pattern Interrupt it causes in my mind! I think we will see a true Paradigm Shift when it reads: Real Men And Women Wear Whatever They Want.