mothers of invention
by sandy mcCall

Shitty business, but a necessary evil and some of us don't have a clue where to begin. I am talking about pumping the septic tank and I still barely have a clue.

Pumping the tank regularly may not help you escape other problems that can occur when pipes clog or break, but you'll have a better idea of how things generally work. You might want to think about pumping the tank before winter sets in . . . read on.

I get questions regularly from real estate clients purchasing property in rural areas where a septic system is used rather than the city sewer. They ask when and how to pump the tank . . . every year, every few years, or when it overflows. If you have you ever wondered what that fertile green patch of grass growing in the yard was, now you know. One buyer told me that in his opinion the sellers should be required to take all their 'personal' waste with them when they sell their home . . . good point. [ See the home buyers TIP below.]

I have learned that when the tank is too full, nasty water can back up into the lowest point of access in your house . . . could be the washing machine, shower or sink. Years ago, mine backed up in my washing machine just outside my bedroom . . . not a pretty sight!!

So here's my story—and I'm sticking to it. After sniffing out the problem late one night, my husband and I began the process of searching for and digging up the tank cover so the tank could be pumped the next day. Together we had six children, ages 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. We had a definite need for functioning toilets.

We got a sense of the direction the large black septic pipe ran through the wall and into the yard from looking at it from inside of the house. The pipe is easily distinguishable from the smaller water lines. We made our best guess and plunged forward. Picture this: underground there is a large concrete box connected to the house by pipes; situated beyond the tank are several rows of large plastic drain pipes lying in gravel beds . . . kind of looks like an amphitheater.

We are in the back yard at about midnight digging up what we hoped was the lid to the tank, the yard lit only by a living room lamp with the shade off. We found the tank and dug up the cover, loosened the lid for the septic service and we went off to bed. The next morning I thought it was curious that one neighbor and then another showed up at our door just to chat a bit about our midnight digging. We soon discovered that the neighbors wondered what, or who, we might have been burying in the back yard the night before. We all got a good laugh and I'm still not changing my story!!!

I now live in a cabin built over a crawl space and it's not easy to locate the black septic pipe without crawling under the house with the critters, yuk . . . but it is necessary to see the pipe and look at the angle it travels out of the house. If you can't find it, call for help.

Now you're outside near where the pipe leaves the house and you will need to look at the lay of the land. The tank and the drain fields will be located in an area that moves away from the house . . . in other words they won't be up hill from the house. Drive a rod into the ground every foot or so moving away from the house until you hit the concrete tank underground. Back up until you find the edge of the tank. You can assume that the cover is just beyond the edge of the tank closest to the house. If you don't reach the tank after you have removed about two feet of earth, your tank may be buried much deeper and you may have to hire a backhoe to uncover the lid. Easy way out: most companies have a disposable, flushable tracking device to locate the tank . . . cost, about $35. You will probably save $20-25 by digging the cover. Most companies charge $185 to $210 to dig and pump. One company told me it was wise to have your tank pumped every two years and another said every five years was enough, unless you use a garbage disposal or dishwasher alot, or have lots of kids. You can also hire them to inspect your tank, lines and fields, as well as pump the tank, for around $300. I am told that flushing wipes, dryer sheets or heavy toilet papers like Charmin could inhibit the growth of the good bacteria in your system. One company recommends adding bacteria to your tank monthly to keep it healthy. Some of the newer tanks have filters and you may need to pump them more often.

Here's a story before you start your backyard search—and don't call me if you can't find the tank . . .had my share of experiences and I'm hiring someone from now on.

My oldest stepson, Ed, had the shock of his life during an unusually cold January in northern Vermont. You know the story about the system backing up. Anyway, we hired a friend with a small machine used for digging frozen ground . . . the frost line can be in excess of three feet deep up North so the tanks are deeper. It took this fella, Richard, about two days to get the tank and lines dug up because of the cold . . . he needed thawing time. He was a somewhat typical old-time Vermonter . . . patient, calm, and rather slow moving.

After two days of grueling work in twenty below weather, Richard enters our kitchen door one evening while I was cooking for my brood. Ed was waiting very impatiently for dinner, as he often did. Richard stood in the doorway scratching his head as the ice melted onto the front of his red plaid flannel shirt from his frozen cap and beard. He spoke calmly and slowly . . . well . . . you might want to talk to those kids about flushing things down the toilet . . . there were twelve potato chip bags stuck in the septic line leading to the tank. The look of disbelief on Ed's face was priceless as he ran quickly out of the room ...wasn't so funny to me $1200 later. Ed didn't see any harm in eating the chips that no one liked in their lunches but thought it wasn't a bad idea to get rid of the evidence. This logic from the same kid who tried wearing his school clothes under his pajamas so he got ready fast enough in the mornings to be first for breakfast.

Ed is currently serving in Iraq and I know he will get a chuckle out of hearing this story again. I am sure his sweet young daughters would never dream of flushing anything they shouldn't down his toilet . . . I love you Ed!!!

HOME BUYING TIP: If you are purchasing a home that has a septic system, it is a good idea to ask your real estate agent to get a copy of the original septic permit from the county. The permit should show a diagram of the system and where it is located. The county may not have records for older homes and sometimes the systems have had unrecorded changes since the original permit was issued. You may want to ask when the tank was pumped last and you may choose to have the system inspected prior to closing.

E-mail me at sandy@wnc-woman.com or mail questions and pictures to Sandy McCall, P.O. Box 1332, Mars Hill, NC 28754 and I will share my ideas with you and other readers in a month to follow.