reunion with myself
by elizabeth trezise

I’m sitting here looking at a picture of Kathy, Roger and me that was taken three weeks ago today. I still can’t believe that reunion ever took place. Like the other pictures, I keep staring at it to make sure it was real, that it really happened, that it wasn’t in my dreams.

When you see the three of us together, I am unmistakably their daughter. I am the perfect blend of the two of them: his eyebrows, her eyes, his nose, her smile, her heart shaped face, their strong chins, her physical build. It is really uncanny – amazing to think I waited 29 years for this…to find my roots, my genetic heritage.

The feeling of standing in between these two special people is one that is unequaled in my life. The chemistry, the connection, the conversation between our DNA was electrifying for me. For one long moment in time, I felt completely whole, one, at peace with the world, comfortable in my knowledge of self. My past, present and future flashed before me all at once. journal entry 11.6.99

For weeks and months after my reunion with my birthparents in October 1999, I would stand in front of the mirror for thirty minutes at a time, just staring. I would hold up the photograph of the three of us and look at each one of them, then back to my own face in the mirror. I was totally and completely fascinated by the similarities—not only because we look alike and are connected by genetics—but because it validated my whole sense of self, especially my physical self.

I am 5’8” and a size 12 when I’m in good shape. I was raised by a mother who is a petite 5’1” and a size 6, and a father who wasn’t much taller than me. They both had brown hair and green eyes; I have blonde hair and blue eyes.

I grew up always knowing I was adopted. My Mom and Dad did a terrific job of answering my questions, of letting me know that I was special, that I was loved and that I was their daughter. I never questioned that. I knew I belonged with them and was part of their family.

Yet I was never comfortable in my body. I was always jealous of my friends who could borrow their mom’s sweaters or wear her fancy shoes for a special occasion. I remember being self-conscious dancing with my Dad when wearing heels because I was taller than he. I knew I belonged but I always had a feeling that I didn’t quite “fit”.

Today, I feel differently about my body. After four years of being in reunion, I am completely comfortable in my own skin. Every time I see Kathy, my birthmother, I am awed and comforted at her height (5’8” like me), her build (solid, like me) and her wide set blue eyes (like mine). My grown brothers are all over six feet tall and they’re big, broad men. I can actually share clothes with my college-aged sister Anna!

I’m still awed by our photographs. Each time we visit, we take pictures. We are building a relationship slowly with phone calls, letters, e-mail and sporadic visits. The physical sensation of hugging and holding my genetic relatives is one thing that I can’t get enough of.

Each time I am in their physical presence, I feel as though I have come home.

Elizabeth Trezise is a life and business coach who works with inspired professionals and entrepreneurs to help them build successful businesses and create high quality lives. Elizabeth has a passion for issues related to adoption and has presented workshops at two regional conferences in Philadelphia and most recently, was a presenter at the 2003 American Adoption Congress conference in Atlanta americanadoptioncongress.org

She was reunited with her birthmother, birthfather and 11 brothers and sisters in 1999 and has had a very positive, loving, supportive relationship with the entire family!
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