Borrowing Freedom
by Shannon Knapp

In riding a horse, we borrow freedom
Helen Thomson

What is this special connection between horses and women?
Perhaps “between horses and girls” would be more appropriate, as that’s when many of our obsessions with horses begin. Natural, intuitive, instinctual animals, archetypal and mythical, horses capture our imagination and fill a hole inside us. Yet all that information (and the dissecting and limiting adult language) comes later, after the poster on a young girl’s bedroom wall of a beautiful black horse at full gallop has faded. And what did you dream of horses? Did you watch International Velvet and pull for Secretariat? Did you collect Breyers and other kinds of horse statues, admiring the sleek plastic, brushing out silky manes and tails? Did you root for the Colts and the Cowboys on Sundays because that’s all you saw in football? These are my memories, along with my first ride on Snowball, the ubiquitous older pony with a great disposition and an easy gait. Bareback and with a fistful of mane, I rode while my dad led her around our back yard. I could see above and beyond him for the first time, a first taste of freedom. At 36, I’m still riding bareback with a fistful of mane, trying to undo my adult-ness and learned contortionism in the saddle. I’m also trying to understand (why for?) my love of horses. I’ve been looking to the noted horse trainer GaWaNi Pony Boy’s Of Women and Horses and Mary Midkiff’s She Flies Without Wings; How Horses Touch a Woman’s Soul for clarity, but can’t help feeling we all have our own reasons, nothing archetypal about it. And yet, can horses mean the same to a little boy that they did to me then? What about now? What about little girls long before me?How charged it must have been in decades past, how symbolic, for a girl or woman to mount her horse and set off on a direction of her choosing! No voice, no vote, a woman could be her own on a horse, “borrowing freedom”. Untouchable, almost, by the grind of life and the expectations (or lack thereof) of others, not unlike how it feels to me now, only some particulars change. There are no ringing phones, no needs to be met, no laundry, no dinner to make, just me and my Arabian, taking in the mountains (and some spring grass!). Years ago, Carol Gilligan established in her ground breaking work, In A Different Voice, that women manage relationships, will protect those relationships first against all, and it is this, I think, that draws me and many other women to horses. Although we could all walk instead of ride, or ride a mountain bike instead of a horse, it’s not enough, nor is it the right kind of interaction with the world around us. I remember the first time a horse I was riding slowed from a canter to a trot simply because I exhaled with intention and focus. The connection between us was undeniable; here was proof, to myself and others (why proof? why is that necessary?), of a relationship. I was elated and addicted. I’ve never yet felt that way about my scuba tanks or kayak.But as the trainers say, It’s Not About the Horse (an excellent book by Wyatt Webb, subtitled It’s about Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt. Hmmm...). When you work or play with a horse, you are working and playing with yourself. This has been born out repeatedly in my experience, so much so that I refer to my mare as my spiritual guide, as she always presents me with what I most need to work on. I may think it is about picking up the right lead, but she corrects me, pointing out that balance is the key. I may think it’s about good ground manners, but she suggests it’s about boundaries. Yet for all the promise and the many metaphors I see in this point of view, the horse is more than me....it’s not all about me, much to my surprise sometimes. Although I may want some of the attention, I certainly don’t want to endeavor alone. As I healed many of my life’s wounds by grooming my horses, sweeping aisleways, and being responsible (or “acting as if” on days when I didn’t feel responsible or capable), the more friends I encountered (all women, mind you) who wanted to come spend time at the barn, grooming horses and sweeping aisleways. Not the “heels down, eyes forward” experience of lessons, nor therapeutic riding, not even riding at all. What they were seeking, and I was finding myself, was different than the traditional modes of contact with horses I had experienced before. I knew the power of horses to shape my self and my life, to be better, stronger and braver than I thought I could be, to borrow a phrase from noted horse expert Pat Parelli. The next question was how to get these women at my barn in contact with these equine “therapists” in a way that was mutually-beneficial and meaningful for both? I saw 28 Days in which Sandra Bullock experienced something akin to what I had in my head and what I had experienced with my own horses. The Tao of Equus (mentioned in a previous issue of WNCWoman) talked extensively (if somewhat romantically) of this sort of experiential relationship and growth of both horse and human. I continued searching and soon found the Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association and Equine Assisted Psychotherapy:
“Founded in July 1999, the Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association (EAGALA) is a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization developed to address the need for resources, education, and professionalism in the field of Equine Assisted Psychotherapy. EAGALA strives to educate the public that EAP is more than horsemanship and riding classes.EAGALA aims to get professionals in the clinical and human development fields to accept EAP as a valid and effective approach, and to actively use it with their clientele. This benefits those in the equine fields by opening up greater possibilities for doing what they love, namely working with horses. This benefits those in the clinical and human development fields by providing a powerful, effective, interesting, and fun therapeutic alternative. Most of all, this benefits the clients and participants, because, as those of us working in the field see all the time, it works! The growth and learning of all involved is intense and rewarding.”
And EAP, specifically? “Equine Assisted Psychotherapy (EAP) is an emerging field utilizing horses as catalysts for emotional growth and learning. Experiential in nature, EAP participants learn about themselves and others by participating in activities with horses, and then processing feelings, behaviors, and patterns. Although often compared to ropes courses and other adventure-based activities, EAP has the added advantage of working with horses” (www.eagala.org).
Even newer is Equine Assisted Learning (EAL), working with horses in the same manner as EAP, but not specifically towards therapeutic ends. Instead EAL strives for teambuilding, personal growth and other applications limited only by the imagination of the presentors and participants.Having since been through an EAGALA certification program and participating in EAP activities and an excellent EAGALA annual conference in San Diego this past March, I’ve found out plenty about working with horses in a non-traditional framework and perhaps a little bit more about the special connection between women and horses. In future articles, I’ll be spotlighting some of these programs and approaches, including the use of EAP in the treatment of eating disorders, the pairing of depressed, withdrawn and at-risk teenage girls with premarin foals, and a retreat weekend with horses specifically for women facing change in their lives. I’m excited about this field and about what it might mean for the many unrideable but otherwise healthy and sound horses that fill horse rescue organizations throughout the country (see www.hopeforhorses.org and www.ncerl.org in NC). I’m also excited about the opportunity to provide other people contact with these amazing animals, interaction that can simply, quietly and positively change lives. Yet I don’t ever want to lose sight of either the horse or the participant in EAP/EAL: I’ve seen people and programs too heavily-weighted on either one side or the other, and that’s not what interests and intrigues me. While it’s true that it’s not about the horse, neither is it all about the human. Instead it’s about mindfulness and “deep play”, as Diane Ackerman terms it. It’s about partnership and relationship and connection.
.

How charged it must have been in decades past, how symbolic, for a girl or woman to mount her horse and set off on a direction of her choosing! No voice, no vote, a woman could be her own on a horse, “borrowing freedom”. Untouchable, almost, by the grind of life and the expectations (or lack thereof) of others, not unlike how it feels to me now, only some particulars change. There are no ringing phones, no needs to be met, no laundry, no dinner to make, just me and my Arabian, taking in the mountains (and some spring grass!). Years ago, Carol Gilligan established in her ground breaking work, In A Different Voice, that women manage relationships, will protect those relationships first against all, and it is this, I think, that draws me and many other women to horses. Although we could all walk instead of ride, or ride a mountain bike instead of a horse, it’s not enough, nor is it the right kind of interaction with the world around us. I remember the first time a horse I was riding slowed from a canter to a trot simply because I exhaled with intention and focus. The connection between us was undeniable; here was proof, to myself and others (why proof? why is that necessary?), of a relationship. I was elated and addicted. I’ve never yet felt that way about my scuba tanks or kayak.But as the trainers say, It’s Not About the Horse (an excellent book by Wyatt Webb, subtitled It’s about Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt. Hmmm...). When you work or play with a horse, you are working and playing with yourself. This has been born out repeatedly in my experience, so much so that I refer to my mare as my spiritual guide, as she always presents me with what I most need to work on. I may think it is about picking up the right lead, but she corrects me, pointing out that balance is the key. I may think it’s about good ground manners, but she suggests it’s about boundaries. Yet for all the promise and the many metaphors I see in this point of view, the horse is more than me....it’s not all about me, much to my surprise sometimes. Although I may want some of the attention, I certainly don’t want to endeavor alone. As I healed many of my life’s wounds by grooming my horses, sweeping aisleways, and being responsible (or “acting as if” on days when I didn’t feel responsible or capable), the more friends I encountered (all women, mind you) who wanted to come spend time at the barn, grooming horses and sweeping aisleways. Not the “heels down, eyes forward” experience of lessons, nor therapeutic riding, not even riding at all. What they were seeking, and I was finding myself, was different than the traditional modes of contact with horses I had experienced before. I knew the power of horses to shape my self and my life, to be better, stronger and braver than I thought I could be, to borrow a phrase from noted horse expert Pat Parelli. The next question was how to get these women at my barn in contact with these equine “therapists” in a way that was mutually-beneficial and meaningful for both? I saw 28 Days in which Sandra Bullock experienced something akin to what I had in my head and what I had experienced with my own horses. The Tao of Equus (mentioned in a previous issue of WNCWoman) talked extensively (if somewhat romantically) of this sort of experiential relationship and growth of both horse and human. I continued searching and soon found the Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association and Equine Assisted Psychotherapy:
“Founded in July 1999, the Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association (EAGALA) is a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization developed to address the need for resources, education, and professionalism in the field of Equine Assisted Psychotherapy. EAGALA strives to educate the public that EAP is more than horsemanship and riding classes.EAGALA aims to get professionals in the clinical and human development fields to accept EAP as a valid and effective approach, and to actively use it with their clientele. This benefits those in the equine fields by opening up greater possibilities for doing what they love, namely working with horses. This benefits those in the clinical and human development fields by providing a powerful, effective, interesting, and fun therapeutic alternative. Most of all, this benefits the clients and participants, because, as those of us working in the field see all the time, it works! The growth and learning of all involved is intense and rewarding.”
And EAP, specifically? “Equine Assisted Psychotherapy (EAP) is an emerging field utilizing horses as catalysts for emotional growth and learning. Experiential in nature, EAP participants learn about themselves and others by participating in activities with horses, and then processing feelings, behaviors, and patterns. Although often compared to ropes courses and other adventure-based activities, EAP has the added advantage of working with horses” (www.eagala.org).
Even newer is Equine Assisted Learning (EAL), working with horses in the same manner as EAP, but not specifically towards therapeutic ends. Instead EAL strives for teambuilding, personal growth and other applications limited only by the imagination of the presentors and participants.Having since been through an EAGALA certification program and participating in EAP activities and an excellent EAGALA annual conference in San Diego this past March, I’ve found out plenty about working with horses in a non-traditional framework and perhaps a little bit more about the special connection between women and horses. In future articles, I’ll be spotlighting some of these programs and approaches, including the use of EAP in the treatment of eating disorders, the pairing of depressed, withdrawn and at-risk teenage girls with premarin foals, and a retreat weekend with horses specifically for women facing change in their lives. I’m excited about this field and about what it might mean for the many unrideable but otherwise healthy and sound horses that fill horse rescue organizations throughout the country (see www.hopeforhorses.org and www.ncerl.org in NC). I’m also excited about the opportunity to provide other people contact with these amazing animals, interaction that can simply, quietly and positively change lives. Yet I don’t ever want to lose sight of either the horse or the participant in EAP/EAL: I’ve seen people and programs too heavily-weighted on either one side or the other, and that’s not what interests and intrigues me. While it’s true that it’s not about the horse, neither is it all about the human. Instead it’s about mindfulness and “deep play”, as Diane Ackerman terms it. It’s about partnership and relationship and connection.